she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
