1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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