Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize