Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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