I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
