I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
