I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
