My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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