I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
