oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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