What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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