I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize