ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
