Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
