Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
