You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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