why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
