you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
