I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
