I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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