I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
