wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
