Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
