it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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