its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
