one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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