I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
