You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
