hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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