we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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