I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
