you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
