we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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