When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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