he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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