Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
