So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
