Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
