I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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