i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
