So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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