Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
