Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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