My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
