Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
