Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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