I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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