You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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