I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
