goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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