Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
