i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
