My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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