weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
