There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
