There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
