it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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