Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
