I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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