I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
