Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
