Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
