Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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