My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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