This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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