Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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