You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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