ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
