Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
