oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
