I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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