She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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