it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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