smell my finger.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
