I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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