Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
