I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
