I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
