pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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