We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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