hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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