Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
