well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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