I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize