dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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