i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
