How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
