guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
