He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
