but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
