smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
