im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
did you get engaged???
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
