so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
