You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
