Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
