meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
