Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Found your dick twin last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
