She is in my trunk
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
