good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
