listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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