You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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