The maid of honor just puked.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
