Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
