Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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