she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize