My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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