Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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