I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
