Say something about gay babies.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
