All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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