I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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