i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
