You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
