so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
